Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Randomize
