don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
