happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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