So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
