My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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