He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
