Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
i think i scared a bird with my dick
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Randomize
