Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
