It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
