you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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