A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
