why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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