one two three fourrrrnication!
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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