How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
