First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
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