Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
