i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
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