my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
