cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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