I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Randomize
