I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
