Well douche your snatch and let's go!
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
