There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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