You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Randomize
