tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
