it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
