dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
He has the fingertips of a God
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