The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Randomize
