I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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