my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
