Sry I called you an 8
I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
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