I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
