I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
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