is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize