She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
