Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Randomize
