Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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