Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
