Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
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