i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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