You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
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