I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Randomize
