I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Randomize
