Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize