He told me they were just razor bumps!
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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