I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Randomize
