How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
