I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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