We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
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