she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
