Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize