We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
