My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize