do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Randomize
