We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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