I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Randomize
