Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
