where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
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