so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I cannot find my penis.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
