I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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