chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
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