so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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