I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize