She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
