the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize