Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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