She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
