I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
It's official drugs can't kill me
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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