she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
