When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
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