Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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