I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
