Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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