Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize