oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
