I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
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