I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
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